Can I Contribute?

I have to learn to sit there and watch a man pay –even when I am sober. I know women who have no problem sitting and smiling and looking pretty while the man takes out his wallet at the end of a date. I can’t do it. Well, in fairness, I can. And I did for the first two dates. But by the third I just feel silly. I used to feel especially okay with it if I wasn’t particularly interested. I think this is probably the opposite of most women. But if I have any remote interest I feel it is my responsibility to contribute at some point. Like I don’t expect to be spoiled. Or like he needs to know that I am educated and able to pay my own way. And willing. I do not make blind offers. I never go out with a man with less than $40 in my wallet. It doesn’t feel right. So today, on my third date lunch with the Beach Boy –who by the way does NOT have blue eyes- even though I didn’t really WANT to but I felt the NEED to, I offered. He begrudgingly accepted –clarifying that it would not come back to haunt him (ie: “he actually let me pay”) and I have $20 less in my wallet. But I think now I’ll be able to go at least another date without paying. Although if the plan Saturday night ends up to be video games at his place (yes, I am really really trying with this one) then there won’t be any paying. There will be my bringing wine and candy and his having beer and a plasma tv and a bed. Which brings me to my next point. When approaching the last chance to create a suitable comfort level, and attempt at any chemistry and/or connection: When in doubt, make out. I’ll let you know how it goes. My guess is to date #6 –which is pretty high up there in my record table. At that point I think it might be caput. But we’ll see. I’m still trying. This guy seems like he should have merit somewhere below the lackluster conversational skills. …To be continued…
In other news, checkout NYC in 10 years.